Old Blog Entries

During the boring Christmas season, I made a brief attempt at blogging using Blogger. Even though I only maintained my blog for roughly a week, I managed to build up a fair number of oppinions and plenty of mindless banter which I'm sure will condemn me in some foreign alligations in the future. They remain here because a friend of mine whom I've never met told me they were neat.

Monday, December 6th, 2004
The First Post of Hundreds (or perhaps just a few)

Found this blogger site by accident using Google. Anywho, figured I'd give it a shot so here goes; It is currently 11:41pm, I've just downed a beer and a coke and am awkwardly situated in that nether region between safety and assured-doom where one can safely assume the approximate time where enough pressure is applied to the bladder to provoke a reaction despite being asleep or unconscious. It is, indeed, a pickle. I can feel the slow crust of sleep forming around my eyes and my neural receptors housed in my brain slowly frying under the influence of sugar, mild alcahol, and caffeine. I have to work tomorrow at about 1, so I can walk off any headache or after effects of tonight's profitless folly. Speaking of folly, I have an urge when I wake up in the mornings to create a short film about life and possibly a whole lotta' violence in my spare time, although by lunch time this ambition has disolved and reformed into a desire to write a novel about how crummy adolescent life can be. Then there's the stage I'm currently at which usually occurs after work, where I've lost all creative inspiration and retire to watch the entire Simpsons series on my computer. I watched the final episodes of season 15 tonight, so it seems that I must find a new way to destroy any trace of creative talent in the backwaters of my head. Any suggestions? E-mail at jman41@hotmail.com. Seriously, I need ideas, even for your own amusement. Oh, and if you could be so kind as to spread the word and send your friends here to comment on my pitiful life, that would be most sweet, mate.
It is now 11:52pm, the glucose from sugar-coated peanuts and tomato blast crinkle-cut chips is molesting my brain like a large german child trying to use his tongue to free the last portions of steak from the hard-to-reach places in a T-bone steak (you know what I mean, those bits that you need to use your fingers with to literally 'dig out' the remainders of barbecued dead cow). So with the crusty rinds of peanuts protruding from my teeth, I bid yee a good night and a splendid time until I update this and you bother to read it :D
Peace

Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Of Iron and Castor Sugar

I woke up this morning with the perculiar odour of Cheatos and sticky Coke pervading in my jewell-encrusted nostrils. It must have been at about 9 before I actually stirred, and even then I didn't really do anything before I was forced to shower for work (as you read this, I'm sitting on a popsicle in a vain effort to melt it into a delicious treat. All I'm really achieving is freeze-bonding my cheeks together). It was raining the entire day, making work especially dreary. I tell you there is nothing worse than having to babysit the annoying children of accidental parents whilst the air is polluted by bad Australian middle-aged men wailing badly mocked chistmas tunes. The dull groaning of water flowing through drainage pipes above our ceiling merely adds to the tedium and sufferance. Anyway, I have to go to that hell hole again tomorrow and I swear I'm ready to beat me some badly-behaved futureless children. Yes, It's harsh to say that, but seriously, some of these kids are just no-hopers. I can't see many that are going to end up any different to their underage parents. Anyway, 8 hours tomorrow so theres some nice dosh coming my way. I worked 34.5 hours last week with some time on a Sunday, coming to about three hundred bucks :D I want to look at getting a new drawing tablet for my PC. Speaking of which, I need ideas for a new Flash cartoon. If anyone has any inspirational tales or whatever, they would be much appreciated. Feel free to drop a line at jman41@hotmail.com
Now, I am off to play a much needed game of Half-Life 2 Deathmatch. Most triumphant!
Peace

Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Drowning in the Seas of the Ignorant

If anyone has ever entered the toy aisle at the store I work at, (I refrain mentioning the actual name of my employers for the fear that they just might release the hounds) they will notice the endless onslaught of cheap plastic and nylon that amuses young children enough to scream at their parents for the small period until they leave the store whereupon they suddenly realise how crappy 'Secret Agente' or 'Tiffany' actually is. (Yes, those are our 'Action Man' and 'Barbie' substitutes and yes, Agente is actually spelt that way on the box.)
These toys usually replicate whatever fad is going on at the time of design with some key difference to avoid copyright infringements. In one case, I saw an unmistakable Darth Vader figuring except this doll had the formidable title 'Dark Master' and was painted Green.What I saw today broke my already low standards of what this company produces. It also explains the single digit IQs of a lot of our customers.
"Use your IQ to make new varriform ways!" reads a box containing a children's slot-car set. Heavily translated from Incoherent-Idiot-Speak, (herein referred to simply as I.I.S.) I think the ill-fitting product is trying to convince me that I can somehow reshape the track for the little car if I really put my mind to it. This explains the poor grammar of most kids I meet on the job.
Oh, and another sad thing that I found today; I was putting up the afforementioned IQ-intensive slot-car kits when a mother came by with daughter and younger son in tow. She then began to size up some of our cheap children's fairy costumes on her daughter. Then she started harassing me about where were larger sizes of costumes, forcing me to explain to her (using fractured I.I.S which I am gradually picking up over my time working there) that the costume is not supposed to function as clothing, but is merely a childs toy. She responded to this with some kind of dumbfounded awe, after which she left the aisle with a horrible and slightly-visible trace of body odour trailing in her wake.

Horrible work-related stories aside, I order all yee peasants to see the new movie "Garden State" written by Zach Braff, star of NBC's "Scrubs". I came out of the cinema with that feeling you get when you sit against the wall upside-down. You know, when you're looking down at the ceiling and your room is inverted and everything feels foreign, yet strangely familiar. And if you're too lazy to watch the movie, get the soundtrack. This CD is the best thing I've spent money on since my Pepsi addiction. Read about the movie and Zach at http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/gardenstate/blog/. If there is only one celebrity I actually have a conversation with in my entire life, I hope its this guy. He directs, writes, and acts, similar to my ambitions as far as animation goes. Speaking of animation, I want that damn tablet! I spent $130 today on a digital camera, (3.2 mP for those who know what that means, you can understand why I bought it for that price) so I really need to save for a while. Without divulging too much about my financial situation, I've finally broken the 4 digit mark on my savings account, (a personal best for me :D) so that's quite an encouragement.
It's starting to rain just now. I can sleep in tomorrow as I don't have to work until 4, afterwhich I am free until next monday. I have a family Christmas thing on Saturday which I am finding hard to get excited about. I'm not especially close to this side of the family, and my cousins are hard to talk with as we have little in common as my computer interests share little relevance to their astounding musical achievements. In this respect I envy them. They can jam for hours playing songs like 'Smooth Criminal' and the most complicated Metallica hits (by ear, I might add) while I sit diligently, wait for my turn on the electric, and then crap out a short instance of 'Smoke on the Water' and then pass back the guitar in embarrassment. For a larger musical influence, I would kill.

Anyways, I must depart now. Josh has engaged in Half-Life 2 Deathmatch online and I feel the need to throw a filing cabinet or a toilet at his twitching corpse.
Yes, I am a dork.
Peace and Panda Love!

Date Unknown
A Mournful Lyric

Virus, baby. Virus.
It is currently 11:17pm at time of writing this, and I have just witnessed the biggest virus scare I have had the misfortune to experience in my young life. I was actually writing up today’s blog when I suddenly started getting errors for no apparent reason. Eventually I realized the errors were coming from my pressing the control key. Shortly after my discovery, Internet Explorer shut down on me. Unbeknownst to me, some scary shiznizzle had been going on behind Explorer while I was working. All my icons had discoloured and my desktop background (usually a delightful image of jocularity) had changed to a giant HTML advertisement; “Your Computer is tracking your every move!” followed by some drabble about how dangerous it might be if my boss, wife or prospective children discovered my Internet history and a download link to whatever Satan-endorsed software that I was assured would surely solve all my problems. Yeah right. The worst was yet to come. (Caution: the next paragraph contains serious dorkage material. If you’re not a computer buff, just skip to the fun bit that tells you about my day. Yeah…)
Shortly after this commotion and my ensuing short heart attack, my computer spat up the little box you see when you click on Shutdown in the Start menu. This made me suspect that perhaps someone was watching my computer like one of those remote-control viruses that you hear about so often. Anyway, after some vigorous searching, scanning and deletion, I had rendered 8 viruses and 29 instances of spy ware inert, as well as three foreign applications in my Program Files directory. Somewhere along the line I did something that semi-fixed my Windows background problem, except now it had become a blank space with the icons remaining distorted (i.e. not drawing Alphas) and was oscillating grey and white colours.
Anyway, I restarted and found to my horror; EVERYTHING WAS STILL ALIVE! The spy ware was back, (or at least the 5 that apparently were constantly downloading pornography to my temp folder and the 4 that tracked all the data entered in ActiveX forms) most of the viruses had revived themselves, doubtlessly through some impenetrable startup/shutdown procedure, and the three pieces of software mentioned above had returned unscathed. Long story short, thank you God for gracing me with System Restore. Everything is now fine and I am both virus and spy ware free.

Now back to the real reason why I’m writing this blog; my life. Well what can I say? Today wasn’t especially exciting. I slept in again. I tell you there is nothing more peaceful than opening your eyes, hearing the gently sounds of a love song on the radio and light rain falling outside. I decided it would be good for me to get some exercise, and considering the rain was now thinning into a light mist rather than actual precipitation, I left my hovel armed only with my keys and the Garden State soundtrack on my MP3 player with absolutely no destination in mind. I toyed with the idea of walking to Mc Donalds or the bakery for breakfast, but realized I had no cash and I didn’t feel like using the ATM at our local convenience store. (Before I continue, I emphasize that I am NOT a racist or a believer in white superiority or a Nazi or whatever.) Our convenience store has been recently sold to a pair of Indian women, and although I know they must be great people, I am now hesitant to enter the shop for fear of offending somehow. I know what you are thinking and I agree, I am paranoid, but there’s just something about going in there that makes me feel like I’m under watch. I guess I’ll just have to get used to it, plus the younger girl who works there sometimes looks my age and really cute :D

Anyway, afternoon rolled around like fake vomit in the back of a Ute; hot and sticky. (Before continuing to read, just sit back, close your eyes, and absorb that analogy. Imagine it, feel the vomit, watch its gelatinous form slide around the tray. Now continue.) I had to wash my clothes from yesterday, which I did with great zeal. The odour emitted from those bad-boys is enough to make halitosis relatively morning fresh. In the period it took for my uniform to tumble-dry, I played some Half-Life 2 Deathmatch. I really get into it and find myself getting quite frustrated (sometimes violent if I’m having a bad day >:D) when I get nailed by some pompous 12 year-old with a flying toilet. (For those who haven’t played this game, players are armed with a physics-cannon that can lift and propel any object in the game world. This includes objects such as computers, desks, cars, filing cabinets, and the most humiliating toilet. I’ll post some screenshots next time I remember.) There is nothing more humiliating than getting iced and hearing a pre-pubescent voice scream over a microphone “HAHA, I POONED DA NOOB.”. The world is full of mean people.

Work was somewhat lack-luster, although it was more pleasant than yesterday as a lot of the stupid parents and annoying children were absent. In fact, just about the only highlight of the entire night was when my friend Peta called me over and pointed in the direction of a man checking out some stuff sitting on a table out in front of our store. I could see why she was trying not to laugh. This guy, who must have been in his forties, had a tight flock-of-seagulls haircut, a few tattoos, and the kind of neck and jaw you only see on criminals in bad Disney cartoons. But the main focus of Peta’s amusement was his attire; a lacy bra barely concealed beneath an open blouse, an inexplicably short denim skirt (with the slightest hint of alluring butt-cheek), and huge steel-tipped boots that looked like they had been worn around a construction site. I lie not.

Anyway, todays events have left me drained and exhausted. I’m going over to a mate’s house tomorrow, and to get there I have to leave with dad at about 8 in the morning. Right now it is currently 12:16pm.
Snore.
Peace.
Snore

Friday, December 10, 2004
Quantified Enjoyment

Another day gone by with much achieved! I went to Pacific Fair with my mate Sam for no reason in particular. Amidst our aimless wandering, burp and fart jokes, and poking fun at older people, I found a fantastic poster which I made sure to buy. Staring at it now fills my heart with joy, and I know that there shall be peace in the world as I gaze in its beauty. Every Simpsons character. Ever. It was worth getting it laminated.
I also went in to Electronics Boutique and bought the concept book for Half-Life 2. (For those of you who do not know, I am an avid fan of this game.) It’s full of artwork and concept drafts for the game’s production cycle. Visit http://www.primagames.com/strategy/book/inside/6534/ to see some of the nifty pictures and drawings this thing has. (Note: Adobe Acrobat Reader required) Definitely worth the $39 it cost me. It’s a hard-cover with its own dust-jacket. Very up-market :D
Anyway, I’m going to leave this as today’s entry. I’m feeling inspired right now to pump out some artwork and this doesn’t happen very often, so I’d like to take advantage of my enthusiasm. I might post anything I draw tomorrow.
Peace-wizzle.

Sunday, December 12, 2004
Coming Soon: A Starbucks

I have returned at last! Well what to say of the past two days? Saturday occurred with minor incidence. I was roused from slumber around the hour of eight to wash and get ready for the Christmas lunch my family on the Creamer side was holding in Toowoomba. I sipped my coffee with a tinge of indolence that early morn. I hesitated to eat breakfast, I have an urge to refuse food when an event or gathering is imminent. Anywho, the whole thing went off as it usually does, and its amazing how old my grandparents are starting to look. They have had more operations and episodes than I can remember, and they are still going strong. It got a little uncomfortable when the subject came up about the future and they started talking about their deaths, funerals and cremations. They seem to bring the subject up a lot, and its kinda concerning, not to mention morbid. Anyway, they gave everyone cash hidden in Christmas cards. Fifty bucks should help heal the recent indent in my funds. I’ve spent just about 200 dollars in the last two weeks.
Anyway, after a quick stop at our property in Esk, we got home after 10 and I was wasted. I hadn’t really eaten all day, although 3 cups of coffee had done their damage in my head, fuel for the crazy gears churning in my mind. Sleep was unachievable until about 12. As for today, I spent most of the day at Sams house trying to fix his new computer. It’s pretty sick, but we had a lot of trouble getting his Internet connection going. Anyway, I’m exhausted.
Ye olde Peace.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Curiosity Killed the Retail Salesperson

It was only hours ago that I was sitting in our store room at work, too lazy to do anything they pay me for, when I noticed a large gap where one of our ceiling slats had fallen away. My curiosity thoroughly aroused, I gazed into the hole in suspicion and astonishment. I’d never really noticed it before, but now the idea of discovering what dangers and perils lurked in our semi-impregnable ceiling was as irresistible as Rachel Leigh Cook in a thong. Propping myself up against a pallet of no-brand candy canes and a trolley full of feather-boas, I managed to momentarily glimpse the world hidden within the void. It could have been a ladder or an air-conditioning unit, or it might have been a chemically-induced mutant-zombie, (hard to tell since it was really dark) but I tell you the satisfaction I felt in that brief moment was of orchestral brilliance. Soon after my self-fulfillment, the trolley of boas gave way and I fell to my doom, never to be heard from again. They say it took 9 garbage bags and 13 hours to collect my scattered corpse.

In other news, I have become completely hooked on Counter-Strike: Source. I just can’t get enough of this game. When the holidays started, I was determined to spend my every waking moment either drawing, exercising or practicing guitar. Considering the state of my room and my broken ‘E’ string, it’s much easier to sit down and fire up the computer rather than go digging in piles of filth to find my sketchbook and a pencil or to jog around the block. Does anyone have any advice on how to restrain myself from playing this confounded game that is ruling my life? E-mail at jman41@hotmail.com

Anyway, I need some sleep. I have the 9am - 5:30pm shift tomorrow, so I need all the energy I can get. I hope it’s as lazy as it was today. During the weekdays the only real customers we get are foreigners and tourists, (not a hassle as long as they can speak English properly) old people spending their pension checks, (they complain a lot, we are instructed to tell them to shove it) and parents with kids (irritating and the least tolerable of all). I shall crack before the day ends.
Peace-Nog