Worldly Demise

There was once a planet populated predominately by creatures that looked not unlike the typical human, but with a lower forehead that in actuality was directly proportional to there intelligence. Most of the planets inhabitants were male during their first years of existence; great groups of men roaming the planet in search of places to demolish to build new places out of dirt. Like a virus, mankind spread to every orifice of the planet’s western hemisphere, with the smaller, more contemplative womankind following out of curiosity and indifference. Great cities were established, with massive structures made out of dirt reaching to the skies. The cities grew, and soon the species could no longer reproduce fast enough to create inhabitants for every apartment, development, loft and granny flat that dominated the western half of the planet. Still they continued building their skyscrapers; magnificent towers of dirt that kissed the heavens themselves.

All the while through mans’ toils and exertions, the women looked on, slowly becoming displeased with the world man had built around them. Fancy educated women in boxy and unflattering suits proclaimed that man was simply placing phallus symbols around the place, and that such immoral behavior would inevitably end in their planet’s destruction. Angered by this, the men took all the fancy educated women in cubic clothing and simply buried them in more dirt, creating more towers with substantially firmer foundations.

The women were outraged, and began festering in laboratories creating chemicals with fierce dirt-destabilizing capabilities. Armed with an incomprehensible number of buckets filled with this new clear liquid chemical, the women staged a civil war. The western hemisphere of the planet trembled as one after one, each tower collapsed into a magnificent mud pit. The men became sickly and fewer in number, until only woman dominated the planet. Of course by now, due to the massive excavations of dirt the men used for towers in the eastern hemisphere, the planet had become a big brown ball of perpetually moist discomfort, and the radical change in mass created a gravitational unbalance between the planet and it’s closest sun. The planet was drawn into its fiery depths where most of the dirt burned away and the women stopped complaining about how men had screwed them over.